On the 11th of February 2019 my family’s life got smashed to pieces never to be the same again. My husband, Steve, had cancer and the roller coaster ride began.

We had two daughters, 12 and 15 and an amazing extended family. The best circle of friends and a super bright future ahead of us. How could this be happening to us?

The learning curve was massive. From the medical jargon, Drs, specialists, medications, hospitals and hospice….it was a whole new world we didn’t want to be a part of. We went from devastating losses to grateful wins and back again. We held on to hope through it all and things were looking very positive until they suddenly weren’t. After a very short 4 months of this soul destroying ride we found out we had lost this battle. Steve was given 3 days until he would succumb to metastatic melanoma on the evening of June 11th 2019.

It all came out of nowhere and we weren’t ready on all levels. He was going to be Okay! We don’t need to talk about passwords or how to access his phone, let alone if he wants a funeral or to be buried or cremated! What songs would he want to play or not? What did he want to wear in his coffin…..what kind of coffin does he want?

We had a terrifying 3 days, I had no idea what to expect, I was devastated. HE was devastated. We all felt like we were in a nightmare. We had our two daughters to hold through this. I kept getting asked by nurses and Doctors to make choices and decisions about care for him that I didn’t understand. What am I doing, how will I survive this?

Somehow, one minute at a time and then one hour, one day, one week, we have learnt to live alongside the massive hole that my very loving, very loved husband has left us with. All the sadness and grief that comes from losing someone you loved so very much has to be honoured always. That can’t be changed but I do believe that the path can be smoothed so your experience can actually bring the peace one needs to be able to live well into the process of dying.

I have learnt so much now that I wish I had known then. Let that count for something, let me help others to have a better experience.